We are beyond thrilled to introduce our very first guest blogger at The Wise Family! Meet Rebecca Comizio, M.A.-Ed, M.A. Rebecca is a Nationally Certified School Psychologist with a strong interest in counseling and positive psychology wanting to support the social and emotional learning and growth of children and families. She is fulfilled by leading students to see the valuable opportunities for success that they already possess in themselves by teaching and practicing skills, such as social skills, emotional learning, positive thinking & positive behavior, motivation training, meta-cognition, psycho-education and mindfulness. Welcome Rebecca!
Check out Rebecca at School Psyched, Your School Psychologist on Facebook!
I am a school psychologist. I am trained in both Psychology and Education. I love my work and feel inspired and enthusiastic about it everyday. Yet, when it comes to my own children, I am just a parent before anything else and I know that mothering with perfect patience can be very hard. If I had to give one piece of advice to a crowd of parents, it would be this: Given all that can be overwhelming about parenting, take note of the minuscule moments. We parents spend a lot of time worrying over BIG things. What have they learned? What have they yet to learn? How do I support their growth? How do I protect them? How do I ensure their future successes? When they aren’t behaving the way we would like them to, we ask ourselves, “What can I do now? Am I doing something wrong?” The answers to these questions are important and can consume us. Yet everyday, there are mini-moments of unparalleled love and joy that we may miss by only focusing on the big things.
I have four children. I adore them, but parenting them to the best of my ability can require tremendous patience, love and support from other adults. It is okay to admit that, friends. It the toughest job that you cannot afford to screw up. How do we get through it with our sanity? How do we reassure ourselves that it will all be okay? It’s often in the minutiae. Look for the micro-moments, the minuscule bits of what matters most.
Early one morning, before a big Final Exam…my sweet, lovely, 15-year-old firestorm came storming, no…stomping into the bathroom and demanded, “MOM, where is your perfume?” Perplexed and annoyed, I was quiet…until she said, “I NEED to smell it during my test. I find it comforting.” In that second, she was once again an adorably scared-of-the-dark 3-year-old, with un-brushed curls and a fairy princess nightgown and I was spraying her closet with my magical monster spray so that she could sleep knowing that her room was safe.
I caught it! I did not let the love go unnoticed because of my impatience or her temporary teenage tornado. Like a wrinkle in time, I felt the blip of my younger-mother-self’s heart…full of love and understanding because my baby girl needed my reassurance and comfort. Of course, she is a teenager now—a lock-herself-in-her-room-with-her-headphones-on, roll-her-eyes-when-she-thinks-I’m-not-watching, adolescent girl defining herself and figuring life out, but she still needs me in much the same way. Even though I was rushing, busy and startled by her abrupt entrance, I made space before reacting and was able to take note of the minuscule moment and it made all the difference. With love and hope and happiness, I sent her off to school and thought, may my mystical sprays always have power for my beautiful baby and may I always make space to notice the marvelous micro-moments that make up a lifetime of love and parenting. And so may we all.
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— Parent of 15-year-old daughter
Rebecca,
I love your blog and what you say is so true. I tend to rush, yell and overreact when my 9 year old, who may be sassy at times, interrupts me or yells at me for reasons I may think are not important. However, to her they are and that’s what I need constant reminder of. She still needs me to coddle her even though she acts like she doesn’t. I teared up when you said, “she was once again an adorably scared of the dark 3 year old”. There are many times all 3 of my girls need me all at once, and I want to scream, run away, and not deal with them at all. I have to remember that they all need me and at that moment I may have to grab them all at once, hug them at once and just make a laugh out of it. It’s definitely hard, but before we know it, they’ll be all grown up. Thanks for making me stop, read, and think about how important those minuscule moments are!
xo
Sylvia
Sylvia,
Thank you so much for your reflective and kind comment! I can relate to everything you wrote. It’s a beautiful thing when we can take a breath, put a little space between ourselves and our stress, and catch that moment! No, it’s never easy– but there is nothing more worth it!
Be well!
Rebecca
Kudos to you for having the self-control to pause before responding and allowing that “minuscule moment” come to fruition. I think all to often as parents (or at least I really struggle with it) we impulsively respond with correction before allowing ourselves to see a behavior within the big picture. You are awesome and so is your FB page! Congrats on your blogging debut!
Amber,
Thank you so much! I agree that we parents often react impulsively (which is sometimes the very thing we get annoyed with our kids for doing!) and by doing that we change how we perceive the situation. With just a little mindful pause- we can react from love more than stress! Thanks for sharing your thoughts- I love a conversation about kids!
Best,
Rebecca
I couldn’t agree more with your sentiments here. As the parent of a 15 year old, I forget on a daily basis to marvel at those “micro-moments”. It is so hard to look past the eye-rolling, the sighs, and the attitude to remember how awesome he really is! Thank you so much for this reminder!
Courtney,
Ah 15! Isn’t it fun? Let’s both set our intentions to notice micro-moments more often. Thank you so much for the comment!
Best,
Rebecca
When my wife goes away for work…she puts a squirt of her perfume on our daughters pillows.
That’s so sweet, Nate! I love it. Smell is a powerfully emotional sense!
Insightful Rebecca! Having four children myself, catching mirco-moments with each child can be challenging! However; when I do, I relish in that ever so fleeting moment which, by the way, doesn’t culminate there, for I can later tap into my consciousness and relive the moment-a beautiful thing to have a working mind!